Looking Like Hell Is Just One Of The Many Services We Provide

Nothing in this world is a bigger spanking in the reality cheeks than seeing yourself in a dressing room mirror.

You think you're hot shit? Go to the nearest department store, whatever mart, or thrift store and check yourself out in the mirrors...no makeup, no hair gunk, not bangles or sparkles.Prepare to weep for this is truly a soul crushing experience.

I went to Value Village today during my lunch break to search for costume pieces. I went to try on a couple of cute shirts and became HORRIFIED as to what I saw looking right at me.

Holly hell...I am now in the belief that dressing room mirrors are meant to magically magnify all human physical flaws. You might have a tiny pimple...but this reflecting glass will show you a festuring, basketball sized blemmish that would scare puppies and little children away. You would swear to everything holy that Frankenstien was humping your face...even though you totally thought that pimple this morning was totally minor. This cursed mirror is showing you otherwise.I look into this mirror...this cruel mirror...and was just absolutely HORRIFIED about how completely terrible I looked!I knew that I have huge pours, but this was ridiculous! I could have gone spelunking in the holes in my face! The dark circles under my eyes made me look like VINCE FUCKING VAUGHN! I know that I have a body hair problem...this mirror decided that I should like my brother trying to grow a beard! THANKS A FUCKING LOT!

And then...oh boy...AND THEN I see my body.

Folks, I know I'm chubby. I eat and drink pure junk. I know that I should not wear daisy dukes and half shirts. I have no tone in my thighs or arms which causes the skin in those areas to jiggle and jive everytime I move. I have a belly on me that is causing the line-of-site issue to my toes.

But HOLY SHIT.

This mirror....this horrid, unclean mirror that sits in a white flat room underneath unforgiving fluorescent bulbs kicked me in the self esteem something fierce. So much so that I'm blaming the blazing headache I suffer from as we speak on this fucking mirror.I saw in the mirror a woman who rides the bus regularly, takes no effort in her appearance, and could really stand to start using some moisturizer on her EVERYTHING. My stomach did that FLUB thing...muffin-top nothing...this was a goddamn 4 tier CAKE oozing above the waist bands of my slacks. You could have seriously put me in an XXL Tweety Bird shirt, a pair of hot pink stretch pants, dirty white sneakers and called me MARYSVILLE'S FINEST at that point.

I wanted to cry.

I'm not blaming fate or genetics. It's my own damn fault for looking like this. I mean, I'd rather bitch about getting into shape on livejournal than, Heaven FORBID, get off my size 14s and get to working out.

And do not feel bad for laughing at my post...I figure humor is the best medicine and wrote this all in the hopes of making myself feel a little better. Is it working? I don't know...it hasn't made me any thinner.

This post is meant to be both funny and tragic. It is very, very true. It really happened today and it really is how I feel. I have put myself in this situation...I know that I can get out of it if I would only get on the ball and do somethign other than post about how unhappy with my body I am. I do not htink that I'm ugly...I would hope that in the eyes of my wonderful fiance that I am sexy, but I know that there is much I would like to do for my body for the better. At least my eyes, my hair, and my boobs are awesome.

Bottom line is: By all means, please chuckle without feeling guilty...teh mirror telled me I waz FAT

X-posted at my livejournal: http://sailortweek.livejournal.com/357372.html


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